Everyday Ramblings

     I have recently moved to Arizona I hate it here. But what are you going to do? I can't do anything and then I realized that I am here for a reason. God put me here and I have to figure out why. God always has a plan whether it's my struggles or happiness or putting people in my life who need me and who I need. There are so many people that I don't think I would be able to make it without the people in my life right now. My friends. My family. Recently I got a letter from Ali who is in Alabama on her mission and she mentioned something that I think is amazing and incredible. She said, "We joke about how friends are God's way of apologizing for our families but I think it's more like, friends are our way of choosing our families."      I think that is so true because my friends are not Ali's. I chose my friends and they have become my family but Ali has chosen friends that I don't like or can't get along with them worth crap. It's craz...

     You look into the mirror what do you see? Well I see a strong, beautiful women. She is beautiful beyond belief and sadly she doesn't see it. You know why she doesn't see it? It's because every single day she compares herself to someone. She compares her hair, clothes, weight, strength, and so much more. It's horrible, but it's what she is pounded with every single day by movies, models, and expectations. She has to be skinny. She has to have a flat stomach. She has to have perfect thighs and perfect muscles. It's not fair. Not everyone can have that. Not everyone can be that 'perfect' weight. You know why? It's because we are all different. What is so bad about being different? Nothing. What is so bad about being overweight? Nothing until you can't even move or do anything and it's effecting your health. What is so bad about having jiggly arms? I don't think there's anything wrong with it but you hear all around you "Wow yo...

     The lips of a family member speak the words, "Idiot! You are so stupid! I hate you!" You hear that and it makes your heart hurt. You hear that and you don't know if they really meant it or not. You continue to go about your day and you realize that they really didn't mean it and in the end you are family and they will always love you no matter what because they can't hate you for long. You know that with a family member, but do you know that with a friend?      Do you know for certain that if they call you a name that they really mean it or not? You step on a friends foot as a joke forgetting that her toe is hurt the words escaping her lips aren't the nicest one's you've ever heard. She yelled at you, "YOU IDIOT MY TOE IS HURT!" And as if that wasn't enough she tags on at the end, "YOU BITCH!" You are shocked and hurt you don't know how to respond and you sure don't know what to say, but you act like it doesn'...

     Why is it that the strongest feeling you feel is sadness, anger, or love? Why is it that happiness is the most wanted feeling you are capable of but yet you never write down the things that made you happy? Why I thought of this is for one reason only it's a problem I have of getting left. I've been left on so many occasions, I've been forgotten about, and tricked but what hurts the most is the fact that the other party doesn't understand how much it hurts. They only understand once it happens to them but even then they only think of themselves. So instead of writing my feelings down about all that sadness I am going to write down the things that made me happy today... The things that are worth writing down.... The things that are worth remembering :)      Today was a Monday. You got to sleep in today till 11:30 and then you couldn't smell yourself and your hair wasn'...

     You know that look that you get from someone you love? That look of disappointment? That horrible look just crossed in the eyes of my brother. I never want to see it again. That look from someone you love, is worse than anything anyone could've said...... The eyes that looked at me..... His whole demeanor changed..... I never ever want to see that again..... Never ever again...... Especially from my brother.

     I really have no idea what I am going to write to you about there are way too many things. I really don't know what to do and don't know my own feelings right now, they are way too jumbled up for me to make any sense of anything so I am going to talk about something I love. Because I can't seem to pinpoint my feelings and talking about something you love always makes one very happy inside so I am going to just write about what I love and that's it..... We will see what comes to mind :)      The sun is shining but not for very long as you see it slowly start to move across the sky. You probably have about 25 to 30 minutes before it gets dark. You start to walk and you know what happens? You start to think. About everything that has been troubling you and that's when you find answers to all your questions. Then you get to the clear feilds and you look toward the mountainside and there is the most beautiful sunset you have ever seen. You know G...

     You love being cared about, but after telling Kyle he's acting very strange and you don't know what's wrong. Because you don't want to give the feeling of being cared about up it's tearing you apart because you know you have to. Kyle isn't the same and you know that you have to end it. You have to end these feelings but you really don't know how. You know how to get over jealousy but you don't know how to crush these feelings you have for him. You are lost and torn in two. Your second half is your feelings and the first half is your head; you know you have to end it. But feelings seem to be stronger than knowledge and it is winning, but very slowly. You are trying to fight this impossible war inside of you and you don't know which side is going to win and all you want to do is run away. You want to go back home so you never have to see him again. You want him to find someone else so you can overcome jealousy instead b...

First let's define a few words:      1. Lie- To speak falsely or untruth knowingly, as with intent to deceive.      2. Honest- Freedom from deceit or fraud. Now let me ask you a question, why is it that we have trouble telling the truth? Now think about this question as I tell you a story. Here are the characters:      1. A boy by the name of Kyle      2. A girl by the name of YOU      3. Another girl by the name of Flagitious (look up this word and this person is EXACTLY this word except 7 times worse)      4. Another girl by the name of Petulant (very skinny has brown hair that is always up except chunks by her ears. Her hair seems to always be greasy and she actually has feelings)      5. Yet another girl by the name of Grand (Very pretty. Has dark hair that is tied up at the top of her head! She is CRAZY for lacrosse and loves e...

    You've had an awful week and while you are talking to Kyle he asks you, "How are you?" You say,"I'm alright. A lot better than yesterday." He asks you, "What happened yesterday?" You weren't expecting that question. You were expecting something like, "Oh that's good." You sit there speechless for half a second and then you stumble on your words, "It was just a bad day." He then says something again that makes your heart hurt, "Why didn't you tell me?" You answer him, "Because I didn't want to bother you." "I want you to tell me." "But why?" "Because I care." And that's when your heart just falls to peices and you feel like you can tell him next time, but your not sure if he's serious or not; you want to test the waters. This all goes through your head in a half a second and you come to one conclusion; all you want is a hug.      You sit there ...

     You get up in your bed and look at the clock it only says 11:00 am you could've slept another hour, but instead you decide that it isn't worth it so you get up. A growling in your stomach signals that you haven't eaten in almost 14 hours and it is time to eat again. You go into the small college dorm kitchen that's not really a kitchen and decide that you are going to eat soup. As your soup is warming up you think about the night before and all the things you had to do, like: taking a spanish test, moving rooms, hanging out with friends, homework, and getting your computer to work again. You ask yourself how did I not cry last night? How did I hold it together? And then you answer your own questions. It's because you didn't let yourself cry it's because you held it as tight as you could inside. You wouldn't be seen breaking down you don't need anybody they need you. That's what you say to yourself. You wont break but you can feel yourself br...