Life in general

          Okay so I'm sorry for writing so much in a few days but I've had some MAJOR realizations about life in general and I feel I at least have to share them with people in some way, and this happened to be the best way. I had no idea college would be so difficult and emotional. Don't get me wrong it is such an amazing experience and the schooling is so much easier than highschool but that's just the schooling. The people are harder. I mean I love college I love how nice everybody is and how friendly, but it takes it to a whole new level when you have to live with people you don't like or don't like you. That's what makes college so hard.

Yesterday I talked about judging a person and how I shouldn't care what they think because it's only one person that doesn't like you. Today I just realized that we listen to the wrong things and we talk about all the wrong things too.

I don't like it when people gossip at all it makes me sad because they don't know the whole story, just like I don't know the whole story. And what makes me sick inside is in highschool I completely agreed with pretty much everything me and my friends gossiped about, and if I didn't agree I wouldn’t say anything I was just quiet and I let my friends tear my other friends apart using words and I did NOTHING to stop it. I hate myself for that and I also hate myself for not having the guts STILL to stick up for someone. I feel it is so wrong to judge somebody now than ever before for a few reasons:

1. I know this boy and his name is Brady he is such a nice kid, and he's made some choices that aren't good, but doesn't everybody? My roommates tore and are still tearing him apart. They kept saying all these AWFUL (when I say awful I mean AWFUL HORRIBLE TERRIBLE) things about him and how he isn't a good person and BLAH BLAH BLAH. Let me put it simply they didn't know the whole story, they were just assuming.

2. Everybody is different and just because one person does something that the other person wouldn't do DOES NOT under any circumstances mean that we should judge. It is them. They are being themselves and shouldn't we encourage that in our society? If everybody was the same then there would be no mistakes, no adventure, no ideas, no friends, nothing to fight for, nothing to believe in, it would be a very bland world. And when somebody judges somebody else for something they do it isn't right because whatever that person is doing is them it's their character and they may like it. So LEAVE THEM ALONE!

3. It's not our job.

Those are the main reasons why I think judging a person is bad. But it's not just judging it's listening. Half the time everybody listens to all the wrong things. Like for instance: gossiping instead of listening to someone when they really need it. We listen to other people’s opinions about other people instead of deciding our own opinions on that person. And nobody is a bad person because it's just life that has made them that way, it's their circumstances and friends that have caused them to act the way they act. It isn't their fault.

I think that we need to STOP listening to gossip I know it may be fun but if it's the ONLY thing you can talk about that is so wrong. I know this girl and she talked about EVERYBODY behind their backs, so I asked myself, what's stopping her from talking about me? I tend to not trust people who talk about other people behind their backs and I think that is true for everybody. Gossiping is a very bad habit that I think we as a society needs to break. Think how happy everybody would be if NOBODY talked about anybody behind their backs; there will be a lot more trust and better friendships. I have been so self-conscious all through highschool about what people thought of me and that is what I worried about all the time. Even around my friends I would unconsciously think: do they really like me? Are they mad at me? Did I offend them? Did I make them annoyed with me? Did I say the wrong thing? I had no idea that I was like that until I met Brady. He told me not to worry and that he would always be my friend and that he would never hate me or feel offended. I have had to work so hard on not worrying and now I think I finally understand, and I feel so free.

I believe instead of gossip we should create memories. By laughing, talking, and just doing stupid but fun stuff. We should listen to others and make sure that they know that we are there for them, and it doesn't matter if they are fat, skinny, big, tall, broad, or anything. They are still a person and they still have bad days and feelings. Everyone needs to know that they are beautiful and everyone needs to hear (even though they may not believe it) that they are beautiful and that they are an amazing person even though they've done things that they aren't proud of. I am so grateful to those friends who will take the time out of their day to just listen and try to understand me from my perspective and the other persons’ perspective. Thank you. You know who you are :) I realize now, that I'm away from my family, that me and brother had and have a great relationship and I realize that he is one of my best friends, and I am so grateful to him for all the great memories we created!

Everybody is entitled to their own opinion on a person it just so happens that we listen to those opinions more than we listen to our own. I know sometimes I base my opinion of a person off another person's opinion. Now that I think about it, I do this a lot, even though I try not to. It's weird how much a person's opinion on another person affects you so much, and it's so funny how much you let it affect you. I cannot tell you how many times I've heard some pretty awful things about another person and then met them and they turn out to be great people. They turn out to be very kind and nice. It surprises me even though it shouldn't because there is good in everybody. It's like we think that just because one person doesn't get along with another person that we shouldn't get along with that person either. It's strange and it actually effects friendships when you are in that mindset. For me it is very surprising at how nice they are and then I'm waiting and waiting for them to do something that isn't good but it doesn't come and it doesn't come, and so I wait and wait and wait and still it doesn't come. So, by the time I've made my own opinion on that person and decide that maybe, it would be alright to be friends with them, it's too late. That has happened to me multiple times and I cannot tell how much I hate myself for it. It makes me very unhappy at myself because I should know that every person has a special place in God's heart.

It's weird to think in 5 months I've changed more than I've had in the last 4 years. I've seen my best friend change and it makes me so happy to see her now, she is so much more mature and I can tell a lot happier even though life is hard and roommates aren't easy. I am so proud to be her sister I am so proud to know her. I am also happy that I've changed I don't know how I've changed and I don't know why. I just know I finally feel like myself, and I finally feel like for once in my life I know who I am and what I want to become. I don't feel like I'm in the dark I don't feel like I'm wandering around looking for a door that will never show up. I finally feel happy, and I know that that has something to do with the spirit and the church. I am so grateful to everyone who helped me change, and I also realized that I had to have Miyuu as my roommate and I had to have all my other roommates, because they are the ones that have made me grown up, they are the ones that have made me change, they are the ones that have pushed me to my limits and then brought me back up. They are the ones that helped realize who I am. They are my friends.

Friendship doesn't mean everything goes right all the time, you don't get into fights, you are always happy and giddy with one another. No friendship means hardship, but knowing that you can forgive them. I did this with one of my friends at the beginning of the year, and I'm sure that both of us said some things that neither of us are proud of, but we've forgiven each other and because of that fight we are closer than ever. And just because I don't see her every day, heck I don't even talk to her every day, she is one of my very good friends and I am so glad to have known her, and I am so grateful for our annoying fights because they have made us grow as people and they have made our friendship grow.

Friendship is being able to call up memories and laugh at them and then make new ones. Friendship is doing stupid stuff at all hours of the night. Friendship is random urges to go and get ice cream with that one person. When you have true friendship you know you do because you know for a FACT that they will ALWAYS forgive all the stupid stuff you do or say. They will always laugh at your mistakes, pick you up, and tell you to keep going. You know that they love you no matter what and you can’t be jealous at them for more than a day because they are just so happy. Friendship is when they tell you something exciting and you respond with sarcasm, but they know that in between all that sarcasm is a small voice telling them, I'm proud of you. Friendship is someone you can be your complete self around and they won’t care how stupid you look, how many stupid things you say, or if you do the most embarrassing things because most of the time they are doing exactly what you are doing. I love my friends, but I know what a true friend is when I see one, and I have two great ones, and I am so happy one of them is my Brother! I love him so much even though he can be SO annoying sometimes, but he's my brother what is family for after all?

Well I could keep going on about family but I don't think I will since this post is long enough! But, just one more thing. Decide to be happy, because your happiness does not ride on someone else’s!
Oh and just so everybody knows the picture that is currently my backround is a picture that my dad took in the Salt Lake City area. Isn't it beautiful?!